Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a man (whom you love) where you are trying to understand why he seems to be so frustrated or distant? Well, that is probably why you decided to choose this book – in hopes of understanding him. Let me start with explaining the mechanics of a man. When I say the mechanics of a man, I am referring to what makes up a man’s thought process. First of all, I want you to understand men are territorial creatures. We have this innate desire to protect our own, whether possessions or space. With that said if a woman fails to understand that very important aspect then it can and will bring a visible distance within the relation. I have noticed that women throughout time have revered the thought of finding, “Mr. Right.” Now, don’t get me wrong, that is a wonderful notion, but is finding him all that matters? Is there nothing else worth striving for in the endeavor of having a worthwhile man? I guess the point I am trying to covey is there should not only be an emphasis on finding a good man, but also the reality of keeping one. I say that because, far too many times there are fortunate women who find themselves involved with what they deem a ‘good man’ and fail to understand the mechanics of maintaining that relation. Now, forgive me if it would seem that I am putting the responsibility on a woman, because that is not the case; yet one might want to come to the realization that ‘good men’ are truly a rare commodity. This book is scheduled to be out late 2012, so get yourself ready to hear what men have never told you.
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Drew Hinds: I wonder if women are ready for the truth, cause it sometimes hurts!
Sharonda Mcclendon: You are right, but it's according to how it's presented. I feel you on the comment about the women knowing how to keep the man. So hopefully this book will give women some good pointers on how to keep the man. My suggestions are no longer working. It's best when coming from another man.
Drew Hinds: Hey Sharonda, I really do think it's time for women to learn how to treat a man from... a man. All the assumptions are really getting old and are causing a lot of women to end up sleeping alone... I am just saying...(smile).
Tami X Bella: D lol lol
Drew Hinds: What you laughing at Tamar...LOL?
Tami X Bella D: Because I don't believe there's any formula or right pointers for how u keep a man. I think that's what messing up the relationship is the whole dissecting and figuring oh if i do this he would like this and as a result loosing who we are a...s woman and creating more confusion for the poor men who already have problems understanding us. I say we all be as naked as possible with our mate expose your true self if he/she loves what they see then that's it.
Drew Hinds: Ouch!...Tami, you just described the formula...so you are mistaken. i so agree that we need to expose ourselves and become vulnerable to our love ones, that is why we can't really understand each other. Far too often both parties assume th...ey know the other party wants. When you get a person in your life you must cater to their needs, as should they. Communication, is truly the key to any relationship, so there is help for those who take heed my friend.... (smile).
Renee Monique Hamilton: And we also need to realize it's not just about "keeping a man" but keeping the woman and building together. All the work isn't on the woman. She alone is not the reason for the success or failure of the relationship.
Jacqueline Lawson: If there are too many rules to follow, count me out. It takes away from where the focus should be. Every situation is different and should be treated as such. I agree with Tami, we don't need a formula. Know yourself, get to know the other person and take it from there. And no Drew that's not a formula :-)
Bindu Quinn: I think more men should share honestly. Truth hurts but women can always learn something new or benefit somehow from the male perspective. Some women already know enough about men to make their relationships work but many are clueless. Honest communication is key.
Renee Monique Hamilton: The truth doesn't have to actually "hurt." It can be good and provide joy and bliss.
Drew Hinds: @Renee & Bindu- I can see that you two will have the ability to give and receive love. Unfortunately, there are women who think they don't need to learn a man; in fact they believe they know everything. We can always learn something new fro...m one another. To add injury to insult, those who object to continuously learning the opposite sex in regards to relationship also miss the chance to learn about themselves and what they want and can give within a productive relationship. Positive and honest communication leads to longevity. There are many women who are miserable and alone, and have been through multiple partners and still don't realize that they can't give or receive love. No one knows a man like a man. I believe women need spend time alone to find themselves, then interact with men on a platonic level first. Far too many times women believe that if they connect with a man sexually then everything will work out. Sexual compatibility doesn't ensure longevity with a man. If you have found yourself unable to give and receive love from a man and are just going through the motions then you need a sense of spirituality and that comes with getting to know who you are and finding your purpose in life.
Renee Monique Hamilton: Awesome. You should quote that, "Sexual compatibility doesn't ensure longevity."
Renee Monique Hamilton: Yes yes yes! 21 months of celibacy has helped me by far.
Jacqueline Lawson: So Drew Hinds are you saying you would rather a woman "interact" with you on a platonic/friendship level rather than on a sexual level? Meaning if she were willing to have a sexual relationship with you that you would opt for the platonic relationship.
Drew Hinds: @Renee - Trust me the quote, "Sexual compatibility doesn't ensure longevity," will be in my new book above...thanks to you...(smile). @ Jacqueline Lawson - To be honest, sex is a commodity, not a cure all. In fact, sex has become so exploited that it is not even special these days. I am learning that friendships have more longevity and we must try to obtain a spiritual balance, plus everyone should be more interested in getting a STD exam instead of a new partner.
Jacqueline Lawson: Interesting response. So is that a yes or no in answer to my question?
Renee Monique Hamilton: Nothing has to be "either or" and not any man loves sex more than any woman. See I think many women think that is all a man wants and needs. Shoot if you can deep throat 8 inches I know someone who can do 10. It's so not about that because sex can be bought and like Drew stated it's commodity. Important, yes but not an end all.
Jacqueline: True Renee. And not to belabor the point but I think many men (NOT ALL) approach women not to seek a friendship but plain and simply in order to have sex. And yes, some women approach men for the same reason. All these comments are great "in theory" but when it comes down to the REAL, NAKED, TRUTH how many men do you know who would turn down a sexual relationship to have a platonic one?
Drew Hinds: @Jacqueline - Be that as it may, if you have found a man in your life that loves and respects you, you really don't need to worry about other men and their extra curriculum activities.
Jacqueline Lawson: Way to avoid the question :-) Drew Hinds: Yes, men in general would take anything free, but we only appreciate and hold onto to something we had to work for.
Renee Monique Hamilton: @Jacqueline they exist. If you think that's all men want and men are saying it isn't that shows a lot. I think many women sell sex then when a man wants to buy, they are offended. I'm no fool now. I know a "few sides" of stuff like this :-) They may take it, but could possibly want more ya’ know.
Doreen Edwards: Is your book published in the united state?
Drew Hinds: @Doreen - I am looking to release this one in the U.S. late November 2011.
Blessed Frombirth: Some great comments here. Drew Hinds, i do agree with your line that "maintaining a good friendship is a key factor". Sex init self ,once done, then it is back to our normal routines. We need to be more compatible not only sexually but on a material level which I think is a bonus if both sides are maintained as it can make a relationship stronger and without strain.
Jacqueline Lawson: Every time I think I'm out I get dragged back in ... lol. OK, everyone has great points about what we SHOULD be doing and how we SHOULD be interacting with one another and how we SHOULD be treating our relationships. But when it comes dow...n to the "follow thru" are we really walking what we know? That's what I'm asking. When you/we get behind closed doors or one-on-one with the opposite sex are you/we acting the way we should? For example, so many people KNOW they are supposed to eat healthy and exercise but how many people really DO it? If everyone did we wouldn't have all these obese, overweight, unhealthy people. In the same way, if everyone did what they were supposed to do in a relationship we wouldn't have all these broken, unhappy relationships. But the truth is we're flawed, imperfect, selfish people and sometimes we just want what we want. And I appreciate when someone has the courage to admit that.
Drew Hinds: @Jacqueline - I agree, there is a Biblical passage that states, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is week. Yes, the majority of us know better but we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. From what was shared previously, I ...don't think anyone intentionally try to give off the notion that they were perfect, yet merely stating right from wrong through their perceptions. There are many of us who have been living immoral for so long that we have become desensitized and except it as the norm. We all need to practice what we preach, that is if we, Don't want Spoil our Appetite for relationship all together.
Bindu Quinn: @Jacqueline.........I can only speak for myself & I CHOOSE to "follow thru". I am comfortably conscious. I walk through life applying lessons I've personally learned, experienced or witnessed from others. I like to keep my life simple.......when it becomes complicated I will simplify it every time.
You are correct "the truth is we're flawed, imperfect, selfish people and sometimes we just want what we want." At this point in my life…I want drama-free, I want to not cheat or live a lie, I want a man who doesn't have to walk on eggshells in our relationship. I want a man who is content & happy with his choice in me as a woman, mother & wife. So at any point if either one of us are unhappy...trust & believe the kids, family & our friends will understand cause they know me very well. I don’t attach my life to anyone or anything that cannot enhance my joy.
The only thing that is required in our lives is personal joy/happiness. My husband is not my property & he sure doesn't own me, so if feelings or things changes at any time in our lives we are both comfortable enough..."behind closed doors" or to the whole world to move forward together or move forward apart.
Just like many women I have a lot of fire/fight within me but I love peace of mind more! No matter what change comes my way, I know who I am & I follow my truth. It is not that difficult for me because I enter relationships, friendships, motherhood & my marriage to give...never to take away. If we can't build a solid relationship then we can wish each other well but ain't nothing gonna stop my JOY.
I've learned that you can't stay true to yourself when you don't even know yourself. I've taken time to learn myself & choose to follow my bliss & love myself more than anybody....I think this is why it is easy for me to always come correct & do right by everybody in every relationship. I'm not seeking perfection, I'm seeking joy & peace of mind which can only be found within me then carried over into my relationships.
Everyone should do what works for them in their relationships. If staying, fighting, cheating, selfishness, acting crazy or forgiving to try & work it out works... then best of luck & you gotta "do you". Again...I can only speak for myself & it just so happens that joy & peace of mind works best in mine cause I CHOOSE it.
Bindu Quinn: @Jacqueline....I'm sorry to drag you back in again but it was on my heart. Stay blessed! :-)
Drew Hinds: @Bindu - I respect your honesty, and I think we can learn from your words of wisdom. In life and relationship we all have choices to make, and then we have to live with these choices. I have learned as a man that you have to sometimes lose a fight to win the war.